The Making of a Great Question

Socrates’ opinion would be that a great question is one that helps the other step into unchartered waters. It carries risk, like stepping into a dark room not knowing what the strike of a match will reveal.

I believe that in our times of quick fixes and short attention spans, wrestling with such a question is probably a rare occurrence. A number of stars also need to be aligned for such greatness to come into being.

First, it takes at least two or more people engaged in an exploration where a specific or expedient answer is not required or sought after.

Second, the one offering the question must be attending to the other person with an open mind and an open heart, not a preconceived notion of who the other person is or what they need to do. This is harder that we think. In our rush to “help” we easily trip on our own assumptions, projections and opinions and the need to resolve our own anxieties. It requires seeing the other person in their own reality while being sufficiently detached from ours. It requires the back-and-forth movement of attunement without holding on to what we know.

Third, the one receiving the question must have the courage to step into the unknown, to wonder, to inquire into what may be concealed by their own structure of interpretation. It takes courage to challenge the ego defenses that protect our identities, self-images and illusions, and to dwell in not knowing, doubt or uncertainty. Explanations and clever answers will always bypass these and hardly ever generate new perspectives, insights or meaning. Thoreau would ask: “Can I see more than what is obvious?”

Philosopher Jacob Needleman says that “our culture has generally tended to solve its problems without experiencing its questions”. Great questions give us pause, a time to think, feel and sense what is getting disturbed and what arises in the moment. When infused with care, benevolence and love, they give us means to explore our personal truths. Greatness comes from this exchange. Ultimately, no one knows or cares about who gave and who received.

This is the kind of environment we are seeking to create in coaching circles where we bring people together to learn, develop and improve their performance and well-being. Let us know what you think about this topic!